I am in the living room watching "Dancing with the Stars" , and its the finale show to see who wins. Here in Japan it is the day before thanksgiving so I have the turkey on the counter to finish defrosting since it hasnt done it in the refrigerator. All of a sudden, my daughter Jasmine comes into the living room, dragging the turkey. She is wearing her pretend barbie princess heels and nothing else.

Princess heels + Naked + dragging a 15 lb turkey = Mommy laughing too much to get mad.

So I tell her to take it back in to the kitchen and put it back. So she puts it back alright. I get up to look for it and cant find it. She had taken everything out of the bottom of the fridge and put the turkey in and put everything back in. I couldnt see the turkey without moving everything. It took me an hour to find it.


Still laughing too much to be mad and she is already asleep.

I have lost sensation in my big toes about 50%. It means that they are always half asleep. I have excrutiating pain in my left heel. I have to walk on my toes on that foot which probably isnt a good idea. My hip has shooting pains on the left side. When I sit to use the bathroom, by the count of 7, I am crying in pain.

I started school yesterday. Was the first person to access the virtual classroom. I am sure that the teacher is thinking - GGGGEEEEEZZZZZUUUUSSSSSS. I commented the hell out of everything.

Anyway - been sleeping till noon on the couch while my 4 year old sees to the needs of her and her brother. She gets them food and drinks. I taught her how to open a soda with a butter knife. I taught her how to cut open chips with safety scissors.

This is the epitomy of being a bad mommy.

How I Write

When I sit down in front of a blank page, my head begins to compile phrases which explain the chaos in my head that is my imagination. If I am not given a specific topic to write about, I am able to spew words on the paper as if they were uncontrolled outbursts in a room full of people who are not listening. I love to write and usually my writing is of a fantasy nature due to the fact that my life has been less than fantastical and more like that of a life not lived.
Without going into too much detail, my childhood was dark and I am finding that I am not alone in this discovery of powerful journaling. When I was younger, I heard about out of body experiences and a book that Shirley McClain wrote detailing her beliefs in those experiences. I never read her book because I am not sure that you can actually leave your body. However, I am sure that your mind can be distracted to another place completely through the power of fantastical journaling.
I have taken my journaling with me many places to become even more inspired by nature. I have enjoyed the mountains while lying under a beautiful, fluffy cloud-filled sky, the beach with its lullaby of waves, the desert where everything has adapted to the sun, and have completed some of the best pieces of writing to ever arise from the ashes of my imagination.
If given a specific topic to address, my writing takes a different approach as does the chaos of my brain. My mind jumps to attention and begins to formulate how I wish to respond to the topic at hand. I am a born debater and enjoy a structured, non-confrontational discussion where two individuals express two different sides of an issue. I always subscribe to the sentiment of agreeing to disagree when it comes to someone who does not see things the same way that I do. Catch me in a bad mood however, and I become the exact opposite of what the other person believes just to be the one who covers the con side of an issue. I enjoy using words to spark thought with the person before me who has never considered a different side to the issue.
All in all, I am still a respectful debater and respectful writer who use writing as a descriptor and use the opportunity to share myself in words. You will always see my personality in my writing unless it is a format that subjectivity is not needed. I can definitely say that most people do not really know me unless they have taken time to read my journal. I can be honest when writing unlike I am when speaking. When writing, I process things completely and begin the journey of continuing to a better place. Writing allows me to organize my head, imagination, and thoughts in a way that makes me feel sane. It is a valuable thing to feel sane.

Everyone is praising the election of Obama. I do agree it is a historical landmark in our time for he being elected the first black president. It was soon to happen and for that I believe we have done a good thing.

However - and its a big however - I am a really good judge of people and bullshit coming out of their mouths - almost psychic even. I have no facts to support what I feel about Obama but I get the feeling that all those promises he made on the campaign trail are bogus.

There is an air about him that leads me to think he is a "parent pleaser". You know, one of those guys who make the parent think that this is a responsible young man dating their daughter and then when they leave the house, the clothes change and all hell breaks loose. I get the feeling that he is turning his back after saying all those good things and going "Did that sound good? Do you think they believed that one?"

I noticed several things that he misspoke in his campaign and I wont go into it now. If you ask my sister, I am a professional debater. In other words, I can take either side of an argument and fluster the person so badly it is actually funny. I enjoy antagonizing someone when I am in a bad mood. I completely made this lady leave a nail salon once because she was all "feminist rules" and I started to debate with her about how she was naive to think that women can do anything a man can. Now any of you know that i am a firm believer in equal rights, equal pay. So it was a side I didnt believe in. If I had to chance to talk to Obama, I am sure that he would be flustered because it is something that I would be pro about.

Anyway - I am really nervous about the state of our union. I am not even sure McCain was the answer either. I didnt vote because I couldnt decide who to vote for. Both of them seemed to be the worst choices to me.

I have spent this week trying to get my home in order. I have take more meds than prescribed. I have been in pain ever minute of every day this week and its not even over. And to add to the shit I have piled on me, I have a sale this weekend of the stuff that I make. I hate it but I have already committed to it.

I freakin hate having fibromyalgia. Everyone thinks that I am just a lazy fat woman who cant walk because she weighs too much. The little girl that I watch a couple days a week, her mom said something along the lines of "I cant leave my kid here while its this messy." to me this past week. I wanted to smack her in the face. I told her to do what she needed to do but I was doing the best I could.

I got my textbooks in the mail the other day. I am going to go ahead and get started working on the syllabus work listed for Information Systems Management 201 and Writing 101. I am hoping this goes easy. I am going to take three classes next term I think depending on how I am able to handle these two.

Jasmine just comes to me and says in her best monster voice

" MOOOMMMMYYYYY I Put that in the dbkhpiwennkadksl"

I says WHAT????

"I put the kitty in the frigerator."

OMG GO GET THAT CAT OUT OF THE FRIDGE~!~~~!!!

She laughs and goes and opens the fridge and sure enough. There sits the cat looking like - "What??? WHat did I do??? Yea the light goes off...so what?"

The Year in Review
So I have been here in Japan for a little over a year. My kids have seen better days as well have I. There are setbacks of course but more than that, I have really had a decent year.

I found out about my fibromyalgia this year. It explains all the hurting that I have always had that everyone made fat jokes about. You know who has never made jokes about my pain - my husband. He not only never made jokes but he has always carried things and been the muscle of the duo. I am on meds for the pain and most of the time I feel like shit but even though I feel like shit, I still have a lot to be thankful for so I keep pushing.

Jasmine has been diagnosed ADHD and I have gotten in touch with the Early Development specialists over at the elementary school and they are going to see her and give me some suggestions about how to manage her. They are also going to give her other screenings to help get her speech up to where it needs to be. She has grown hand over foot and is still skinny as ever. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She is becoming more independent now and hugging and kissing are not her thing. I miss my cuddle bug but they have to grow up. She is going to be head strong and self sufficient in a good way. I am glad.

Jon is tall and thin now too. He is the same height and weight as his sister who is 13 months older. He is in the 99th percentile for his age group but they say its not anything to worry about because he is just going to be tall. He is starting to speak more and more. He loves to dance. He is a dance a holic. He has also learned his numbers, colors, and shapes like his sister did at this age. He is my love muffin. He likes to cuddle still so at least I get one more year of hugs and kisses from him.

Chad and I spent the first half of this year repairing the damage to our marriage that occurred in San Diego. After getting through that crap, we have spent the second half discovering that neither one of us is the same person anymore. Its not a bad thing but having to grow with someone when your husband is gone to sea 5 out of 12 months of the year makes that a bit difficult. The one thing that still rings true is that Chad loves me. He loves me no matter what happens.

Jon came over to me and looks at me with all sincerity and says, "Mommy...Mommy....Mommy."

I said, "What baby?"

He says, "BEEP BEEP! BYE!" and then he runs away.

That made my whole day.

*for those who do not know - he was pretending to me the road runner*

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches. Then the bartender says, ”Sorry, but you can’t eat your own food in here.” So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.


Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"

"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears.

"That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

Its interesting. I am sitting here watching thursday's episode of All MY Children thanks to the magic of YouTube. I am telling you - I am a happy woman because in San Diego while stationed there, I had no friends. As long as I got to see Ryan Lavery and Erica Kane, I was alright with the world. Now here I am in another country that does not air All My Children and up until about a month ago, I had just been reading the updates to stay abreast of what my friends where up to. See - I considered Ryan and Erica real friends because I needed to have conversations with someone and hey - they responded exactly the way I wished them to. On top of that, I get to see Erica on Dancing with the stars right now and that is a bonus. But back to All My Children......WAIT....EARTHQUAKE. Ok - not too bad. Just about 12 secs and then it stopped this time. Anyway - I was surfing youtube and put in All My Children and I was looking for something particular that had happened hoping that someone had put the clip of my friend Ryan telling his skank ho bitch wife that he never loved her ....again, I am off on a tangent... anyway..... What do I discover but that someone actually posts the entire show without commercials in small segments so that you can watch them without buffer lag. I love this woman....except for today.

Babe died today and it made me cry.... Bye Babe - you didnt rate with Ryan and Erica but you were one of my friends just the same. I will miss you except not. Her husband JR - he is taking it hard and enter...DAVID....don don DDDOOONNNN!!!! He shows up in the last three seconds of the scene of her death and he is the one surgeon who could have saved his only child. I used to have sex dreams about DAVID HAYWORTH. I am glad they brought him back....so now I will be watching Ryan, Erica, and David.

No thanks to ABC mind you who wont let you watch full episodes over seas. those bitches.

This past friday, I took a much needed Mommy break. I hired a sitter and I was gone for four hours. When I got home, everything that my kids had to eat for the day was thrown in the living room - which is what they do if you dont watch them. They took full advantage of the babysitter and had a blast making the living room and the rest of the house look like a war zone. They emptied the cat box full of litter on the floor and poored water in it because its a volcano that needed lava. Then once through with that venture, they wanted to jump on my bed - first they had to strip the blankets and pillows and throw them on the floor - where the water logged poop and piss filled litter was.

I got home and was so tired from walking that my hips hurt and my legs hurt and my knees were so bad off that I had to sit. ENTER my friend Millie who is suppossed to leave her daughter here while she is at work. "Wow what happened? I cant really leave Stephana here in this. Do you want me to help you clean it up?"

She should have just said - You lazy bitch! This place is a pig sty and I have better standards than you for my daughter.

SO I told her to go to work and that I would clean it - if she felt like she couldnt leave her daughter here, take her to work with her but I would be cleaning it right now. So off to work she went.

Long story short - I hurt so bad that night that I couldnt sleep. I cried for over three hours trying to get ina position to lay in the bed. I ended up going to the couch and propping upright which made my ankles swell into watermelons but it was the only way to be without pain.

I have probably 15 loads of laundry to do and the back bedrooms to clean. I got the cat crap up but the floors need to be detail cleaned still. I am not doing well.

And on top of everything this weekend, I busted out the back glass of my van.

I am constantly learning from my children and today, I learned that what you say when you think that no one is listening should not be said at all.

The children and I were in the car and my daughter looks at me with all seriousness and says, "Mommy are you sick of me?"

I caught my breath and said very calmly, "No baby, Mommy could never be sick of you. I love you."

"If you are sick of me, can I give you medicine and make you all better so you not sick anymore?" she says.

I began to cry ( no surprise on that one huh?) and said to her, "Oh Jasmine. Mommy could never be sick of you. I love you! You are my favorite daughter."

She smiled.

Isnt it amazing what comes from the young and innocent.

It was about 80 outside and 50 in the water. But you know kids. Nothing phases them.

I am going to cut it because its going to be long and personal. If you dont want to read it, then skip on by.
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Rattling off for no apparent reason is over.

The two of them are playing with this police car that once you push the top, it will go forward and blow its siren. What is so funny about it all is that they are sitting about three feet apart with legs spread wide letting the car run right into their privates. That is what we call them around here to the kids - YOUR PRIVATES - YOUR BROTHER's PRIVATES. Every time it hits Little Man in the Pee Pee, he giggles and so does Jasmine.

*shaking her head*

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job.

The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”

“No matter,” said the man, “observe!” He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”

“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “But his face sure rings a bell.”

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'. 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily. 10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set with individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, (hence, multi-tasking was invented).

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invent ed scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19 You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to
know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than
your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher..

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

They found a mass in her lung in the upper lobe on the left side. I called her this evening to tell her that I was thinking about her and I wished I could come home. She told me that she knew that I loved her and hoped that I knew whatever happened, its God's will and that she wouldnt hold it against me that I couldnt get home.

Saying goodbye to someone over the phone is not fun.

I am going to cut this because its disgusting - but this is what is going on with my body.
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Jasmine has a cold and is miserable. Jon is sick too - he doesnt have a runny nose but he doesnt feel well.

1. You are walking on a trail in the woods. Who is with you?
2. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
3. How does the animal react to you; how do you react to the animal?
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is a house. Describe the house:
5. Does the house have a fence?
6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. There is something on the table what is it? Is there anything around the table? If so, what is it?
7. You exit the house and go back to the trail through the woods and find a cup. What does the cup look like?
8. What do you do with the cup?
9. You walk to the edge of the woods where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
10. How will you cross the water?

My answers
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Interpretation
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